The Ron Weasley Picture Show
by Washu Queen of the Pans
Summary: A parody of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Completely insane, I know it sucks...


  
  
The Ron Weasley Picture Show, Scene 1  
  
Yay, I finally thought of a good idea for a story! Worship the Queen of the Pans! Ha ha... well, this is REALLY wacked out and is partially Vesta's fault 'cuz she's the one who made me watch the Rocky Horror Picture show... Oh, and I SO wrote this on a whim, it's not even funny. Don't flame me.  
All righty, here's the cast: Janet is Hermione, Brad is Harry, Riff Raff is Malfoy, Magenta can be...   
Ginny, the old guy who narrates is Dumbledore, Dr. Scott is Cornelius Fudge in a wheelchair, and everyone else hasn't appeared yet. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! All right, I'm gonna get flamed to a well-done crisp for this one. This is completely stupid and insane. I'm warning you now. If you haven't seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show before, don't read this until you do, and go out and rent it!!!!!!  
  
  
Our scene opens on those stupid lips (Ginny's), which have far too much lipstick on them to be safe. Parvati Patil wails in the background about Ginny stealing her lipstick. Malfoy is singing about King Kong and such, while the screen is playing the credits. The teeth can be... Hermione's before she shrunk them. Blah blah blah blah blah...  
Our next scene is a churchyard. Harry, Hermione, and various other Hogwarts folk are flinging rice at... hmm... Fleur and that Roger Davies guy. Fleur and Roger get in their limo (which is horrendously decorated) and drive off, leaving Harry, Hermione, and a disguised Ginny and Malfoy alone. Ginny and Malfoy start to clean up and put stuff away. Harry and Hermione are walking around in a field, which causes Hermione's allergies to act up. Harry lets her use his sweater sleeve as a Kleenex. All of a sudden, Harry starts to sing (badly)...   
  
"The river was deep, but I swam it..."  
  
(Ginny is glaring jealously and forgets to say "Janet" but she's really supposed to be saying "Hermione"...)  
  
"Damn it, Janet, I love you..."   
  
Harry and Hermione have now half-danced, half-stumbled up to the church steps. "Who's Janet?" asked a puzzled Hermione. "I thought you liked me!"  
"I do. It's for marketing reasons. Janet rhymes better than Hermione. Just go along with it, okay?" Harry whispered.  
"Okay..."  
  
"Now we're engaged and I'm so glad..."  
"Oh Brad... er... Harry" said Ginny.  
"Oh Brad, I'm mad, for you too..." Hermione warbled.   
  
"Now there's just one thing left to do-a-oo..."  
  
"I.... love... you...."  
  
Ginny is quite angry with the situation, so she takes her dusty broom and shoos them both out of the church. They decide it's probably time to go back to Hogwarts, so Harry Summons his broom and they fly off into the horizon. There is a beautiful sunset in the background, for romantic purposes. Hermione points this out, to which Harry grunts "Cool."  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
Now Harry and Hermione are flying over some imposing trees on Harry's trusty Firebolt. It's raining very hard and they're both rather wet. It's also night now, which makes it harder for Harry to steer properly. A radio, which is just kind of floating in midair, is fuzzily blaring some speech from the Minister of Magic candidates (Fudge is Dr. Scott now, remember?)  
Some random people fly by on dragons. Hermione, who is eating a melting chocolate bar, sniffs prissily at them.   
"Sure do take their life in their hands, they do," she says to Harry with much superiority.   
"Yeah. Life is cheap for that type," says Harry. (More dragons fly by.)  
"HARRY!!!!!!!! WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!!!!!!!"  
Suddenly, Harry's Firebolt runs into a very tall tree. The unfortunate broom splinters into a million pieces. Harry and Hermione fall to the ground with a loud thud. Hermione's eyes water with pain, and Harry rubs his elbow. George Weasley of the Jungle hoots with laughter. Harry's second broom is now destroyed, which he starts wailing about. He makes reference to a variety of things, including Sirius Black and the Firebolt's warranty. After he curses the tree for a sufficient amount of time, he starts grumping about phoning someone to come get them.   
"I saw a castle a few miles back. Maybe they have a phone we could use. I'll walk back and see, you stay under the tree and keep dry."  
"No way, I'm going with you! I can't let you go by yourself. The owner of that house might be Cho Chang, and you'd never come back again!"  
Harry, after pausing to consume the information, helps Hermione up and kicks the tree a few times. They start walking back the way they came.   
More dragons pass them. Hermione sniffs again, thought it is unclear whether she is sniffing at the dragon riders or because of the rain, which is now coming down in buckets. The couple is thoroughly soaked and chilled to the bone. Some newspaper blows by, and Hermione picks it up to cover her head with. She starts to sing hopefully, in spite of the rain. Just as she finishes the first verse, she and Harry stumble upon a clearing in which the aforementioned castle sits.  
  
"There's a light.........."  
  
"OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE"  
  
"There's a light.................."  
  
"BURNIN' IN THE FIREPLACE"  
  
"There's a light....... In the darkness of e-e-vrybody's life..."  
  
(The camera zooms in on Malfoy, who is singing and standing at one of the castle's windows. He cackles loudly, and the camera zooms out again to focus on Harry and Hermione, who are now completing the final chorus.)  
  
"In the darkness... if e-e-vrybody's life..."  
  
"So ends the first scene of our show. Please come back for more, next time on (drumroll) THE RON WEASLEY PICTURE SHOW!!!!!!" (My school band goes into a stunning rendition of the Mickey Mouse Club song, complete with dancing cheerleaders and admittedly awful football players bowing. Soon, we are joined by the remaining members of the Hogwarts Quidditch teams. When we are through, we begin to play "YMCA.")  
  
  
So, how'd you like it? There really will be more madness to come, probably next week. Please read and review!!!!!!!  
  
  
P.S Would you guess my spellcheck tried to change Parvati to Parfait?  
  
  
  



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